Things to look forward to now that BART is back

Photo courtesy of Maegan Tingling (@tingtaco on Instagram)

Photo courtesy of Maegan Tingling (@tingtaco on Instagram)

After four days of long-drawn-out and nonsensical talks, BART management and union negotiators finally reached a deal last night. The exact details have yet to be released (as the BART Board of Directors and member’s of the two unions still need to approve the agreement), but trains are running again.

So now there will be less traffic and more available transportation options…and less people incessantly complaining on Facebook, but I think there’s still even more for us to appreciate.

Now that the trains are back, that also means the seats (and floors) covered in urine, shit, fingernail clippings, vomit, snot and whatever else are back, too! The feeling that you need a hot shower every time you get off a BART train – that’s also back.

You may find yourself accidentally forgetting all the beautiful personal moments people have had on the trains, but I’m here to remind you of all the good times that have happened right where you’re sitting (or standing).

Over the summer, a couple on a late-night train decided they just could not wait until they got home to get it on. A smart and gentlemanly fellow rider recorded their beautiful fuckfest…and then posted it on the internet for all commuters to remember while sitting in these fabric seats.

Some riders aren’t so lucky though, and have to resort to other measures to get their moment of ecstasy. The filthy seats were so appealing to one man that thrusting against one repeatedly was enough to get him going. After making passionate love to the seat, the man couldn’t contain himself and flipped over to jerk off while smoking crack. Ladies, he would love for that seat to be you now that trains are running again.

While the remnants of riders past may be the best thing about BART, we can’t forget to talk about the stations – also filled with bodily fluids of all sorts and usually overly-crowded with people who seem to have no idea where they’re going or what they’re doing or that there are even other people around them.

Remember the crazy acrobat man who suffered a severe mental breakdown and ran around the 16th Street Mission station doing gymnastics and attacking riders? We can look forward to seeing more people like that on our daily commutes again! The guy was even thoughtful enough to entertain people while making them uncomfortable – harassment and a show? Yes please.

The SF State commuter options during the BART strike were terrible: a free shuttle from CSU East Bay with free parking, WiFi and outlets or free parking at Stonestown with a free shuttle to campus? Total garbage. Thankfully, we can now go back to our pleasant rides with passionate lovers, lonely horndogs, mentally-unstable acrobats and the like. Yay BART!

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