Crime Blotter: Crazy Taxi

Artist recreation

Artist recreation of the chase

San Francisco police are still searching for the man who stole a taxi and lead police on a high-speed chase before crashing at SF State and escaping on foot early Friday morning, according to ABC 7. Police say video obtained from the dashboard camera will help them to identify the thief, but what they don’t know is that The Swamp has actually already obtained that footage. So without further ado, The Swamp presents exclusive footage from the dashboard camera of this morning’s high-speed taxi chase.


After close inspection of the tape, we have determined that police should search for a crappy 3D model with a green flat top, Hawaiian shirt and general disregard for human life. Unfortunately we were not able to make out anything the driver said during the ride, since he was blasting The Offspring the entire time.

A map showing where the suspect crashed and a sketch of what he looks like.

A map showing where the suspect crashed and a sketch of what he looks like.

If you want to help police in their efforts to find this man, please report any suspiciously pixelated characters. Here are a some questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not your roomie has been exhibiting warning signs:

  • Has your roommate been stockpiling Sega Dreamcasts?
  • Does he exhibit anti-social behavior while wearing driving gloves?
  • Does he take losing in Mario Kart 64 a little too seriously?
  • Did he go out to “smoke at the DSA” last night and never return?
  • Did he get turned down by the girl he stalks on Facebook at the Mac Demarco concert at The Depot last night?
  • When you first moved into the dorms and the R.A. came and forced everyone into an awkward conversation about “masturbation schedules” did his seem a little obsessive or odd?
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