Drugs are a weird thing. In some cases they can make or break a relationship, depending on who you talk to. This week on Two Girls One Problem we talk about our personal experiences dating guys who may or may not of had a problem and how they ended up exes.
(Enter Elissa stage left)
He would smoke weed when he woke up, before he dove into that carne asada burrito, before he went to basketball practice and before he went to sleep every night. He couldn’t even go a few hours without smoking. My ex-boyfriend, let’s call him Nick, was addicted to weed and I hated it.
He started smoking when he was in middle school and what started out as a little thing his friends would do, turned into an addiction. It also didn’t help that ALL of Nick’s friends smoked or dealt. He was one of the only people that had a car amongst his friends, so whenever they wanted to smoke, they’d all hop in, roll the windows up and hot box his car. This caused Nick’s car to always smell like weed.
He even preferred to smoke before we had sex. Apparently it felt better to him, because heaven forbid it’s just me that makes him feel good, nope, weed had to be added into the mix.
One of the things I really loved about Nick is that he wanted to be a dad. We talked about having kids, but I’m not sure if he’s aware of the medical links between marijuana and his little friend in his pants.
Smoking marijuana has been linked to an increase in prolactine production, which has also been linked to decreased testosterone. This hormone is important erections, ejaculation and orgasms. Men who smoke marijuana frequently have significantly less seminal fluid, a lower total sperm count and their sperm behave abnormally, all of which could affect fertility.
One night I asked Nick if he had to choose weed or me, who would he pick. He said weed. Although it sucked hearing that, we remained together for another two years. I was young and he was my first real boyfriend. I didn’t want to mess it up. I wanted to be the cool girlfriend who never took him away from his friends, who never judged or suffocated him. I didn’t want to do anything wrong.
I realized after speaking up about how much I hated him smoking that I knew I couldn’t handle it anymore. Nick wasn’t going to give up his love affair with weed, so it was me who had to finally end it. We broke up over a bunch of things and weed was definitely a factor.
According to DrugAbuse.org, research demonstrates that marijuana has the potential to cause problems in daily life or make a person’s existing problems worse. Heavy marijuana users generally report lower life satisfaction, poorer mental and physical health, relationship problems, and less academic and career success compared to their peers who came from similar backgrounds.
It was after being with a guy like Nick for three years, that I realized I will never date anyone who is addicted to anything – drugs, alcohol, weed, whatever. I can’t imagine going through the same motions I went through with my ex. It was unnecessary stress that I didn’t want or need.
Maybe it’s too much of me to ask for a guy, especially in this city, to not do drugs, but it’s something that I know I can never go back to. I’d rather be happily single than deal with a guy who would rather take rips on a bong than hangout with me, completely sober.
(Enter Ellie stage left)
I can’t talk about what it’s like to date an addict. I never have and hope I never will. I can’t imagine wanting someone who wanted something else more then you, and that something else not even being human.
Given, most people don’t walk around with a sign on their backs saying “Hey I’m addicted to heroin” or “I can’t leave my house without taking a bong toke.” Sometimes it’s obvious they’re addicted and some people just want to help a person “change.” That’s the last thing I would do. I take people for who they are, not for what they could be.
I dumped my ex-boyfriend because he had no motivation. Being 22 and having absolutely no motivation to do anything but test video games from 5 p.m. to 12 a.m. four days a week was just unacceptable (and kind of scary). Especially if he was dating me. Now this kid was what my mom would call a “pot smoker.” He smoked weed everyday, but it didn’t bother me. He had his med-card and we were in community college, which felt like an extension of high school. We weren’t in a super serious time of our lives, but I was serious about him, for a while.
Now, I know a lot of people would say “well the dude had no motivation because he was a stoner.” Not exactly, he had no motivation because he had low self-esteem. He wouldn’t put himself in any situation in which he would fail and it took me a while to figure that out. Something he was good at, something that he couldn’t fail at, was packing a bowl and ripping a bong till it was all gone.
I always believe that people know what’s good for them, you do you and I’ll do me. Your problems are your problems until they start affecting me, only then do they become my problems.
I would spend hours trying to motivate him and tell him that he is capable of doing whatever he wanted in life but it didn’t matter what I said because he’s the one who was hurting himself. At that point I had to walk away. It wasn’t the weed, I couldn’t honestly care less, it was the fact that he honestly believed that he wouldn’t amount to anything in this world and to me that was the saddest thing. He took me leaving as another sign of failure, I also counseled him through our break-up, yeah I know BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. He wouldn’t let me leave because he saw me as the best part of his life, which wasn’t as romantic as it sounds. This guy turned into an emotional wreck, he would tell me things like “you’re the only piece of me that’s good,” “you’re the only good thing I will ever have in life” and “please don’t ever leave me.”
I ended up having to ignore him, change my number and move roughly 300 miles away from my family. I’m hoping that he is okay, I hope he has learned just as much as I have and can see himself growing from it. But, I can only hope.