Valentine’s Day has arrived, and whether you’re single, taken, or bitter, the sudden influx of candy hearts and roses probably won’t go by unnoticed. Today is the day to finally introduce yourself to that alluring stranger in your math class, or take your significant other for a romantic stroll to one of the secret sex spots on campus. But for some students, Valentine’s Day is a sad day, not only because they are alone, but because the person they love is hundreds, or even thousands of miles away. Have no fear, fellow distance-plagued lovers. Today I present to you my solutions, based on months of field research on the subject.
First and foremost: make sure they are worth it. You don’t want to look back on your college years wondering what would have been if you had only hooked up with that certain person or not skipped out on that epic party. Before deciding to tie yourself down to someone who isn’t even around, make sure that your relationship can stand the tests of time, distance, and temptation. You won’t be able to end every awkward silence with a spontaneous bumping of the uglies, so be sure that you two can sustain a conversation as well.
Technology is your friend. Long gone are the days of relying on snail-mail love letters and phone sex to keep the spark alive. You now have a nearly infinite number of communication possibilities at your fingertips, so be creative, and use them to your advantage.
- Google Hangouts have a number of apps you can use to watch YouTube videos, draw pictures, or even play poker. NOTE: If you decide to up the stakes and play a game of strip poker, make sure you don’t accidentally check the box that allows anyone to join. Some shirtless creeper on a bed WILL join as soon as you start losing, and believe me, it’s a difficult memory to erase.
- One of our favorites is this online version of the hilariously raunchy party game Cards Against Humanity. Nothing livens up a night like laughing over Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
- Watch movies together using Netflix’s party feature or by screen sharing from your video chat app. You won’t even have to worry about anyone hogging all the popcorn.
Be prepared. Make sure your computer and internet connection are up to speed, or your conversations will look like old school kung-fu movies. It can be extremely confusing (and frustrating!) to try to have a conversation when everything is delayed by 30 seconds.
Be spontaneous. Send seductive photos to their phone, and a hand-written letter or package on occasion. Planning visits ahead of time is great for saving money, but last-minute surprises can do wonders. After weeks or months of only talking, you can quickly catch up on some of the more exciting things you’ve missed.